just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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