I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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