ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
