i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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