I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
