she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize