I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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