There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
