New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
