Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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