i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
