I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
