is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
