We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
