jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
