weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize