she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
