Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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