If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
