I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
