win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
