Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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