Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
