i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
