It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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