she woke up with a sticky ear
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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