i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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