'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
