So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
