If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
