i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
