i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
