On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
