Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
