I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
