OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
