I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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