this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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