he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize