grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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