My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
whose ass print is on the piano?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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