I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
