Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
