Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize