When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
