So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
