The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
