You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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