Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
