Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize