I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
