I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
