Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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