I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
