You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
