i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
