He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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