You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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