Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
