my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
