I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
