There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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