Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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