I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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