Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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