Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
