I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
