No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I want is dick and wine.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
