me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
