They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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