tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
