It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
