look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
