she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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