Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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