What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
