Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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