Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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