i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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