I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
