You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
