Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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