Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
