Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize