We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
