she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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