It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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