no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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