i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
