Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
