hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
