Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
