your parents love me but you hate me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
