i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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