I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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