So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
