just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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