i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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