it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
