Can Purell be used as lube?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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