Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
