She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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