I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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