i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
